First, a recap of the last few days in Arusha.  We were able to go to the Snake Park out halfway too monduli, and got to take lots of pictures.  I got to pet an alligator too lol.  And ride a camel.  It was really fun, and the snakes were really awesome - thought extremely scary.  Friday was a little bittersweet, going to the hospital to say goodbye and also saying goodbye to WAMATA and the crew.  Saturday’s grant proposal went well, overall, though Emily and I were unsuccessful in acquiring a grant for WAMATA.  Aang Serian ended up getting the grant, and I am happy for them - all 3 NGO’s requesting the money were all qualified, so I hope the other two end up reapplying. I literally almost cried as we were getting in the van saturday night to head to the airport.  I hate goodbyes, and I will miss everyone there.

I’ve been reminiscing over the last 3 weeks as I sit here in my home in San Diego.  I stare at everything thats around me - the TV, the computer, the lights, the bathroom, the refrigerator - and all of it reminds me of everything that I have and my precious posessions, but also of what so many others don’t.  It isn’t that I am now an asshole and judge everyone on everything that they complain about - hell I complain, too.  But the fact is that the trip has made me realize that maybe some of our problems are a little blown out of proportion, and we should step back and realize that we aren’t the centers of the universe and that we might not have all that much to really be angry over.  I consider my so fortunate for the opportunities afforded to me over the years, and the support that my family and my country has given me.  It’s something that after leaving Africa I see is not common in the rest of the world, and something that I a completely thankful for.

The experience, however, has taught me more than just humility and to stop taking my world for granted.  Some of the things I saw in Africa shook me.  No, I’m not saying I’m unstable now or anything.  But the issues that were prevalent in Africa, and some of the work (and inadequacies of people helping those in need) have jump started questions for me, that I believe all of us should start considering.

1. Helping others - The best method? I’ve come to the conclusion taht the only effective way to actual help someone or a community is to learn from them first.  It was important for me to view Africa in an observational role before taking any action.   This trip afforded me that opportunity, and I hope to return later when my skills set has widened.

2. Cultural differences/comfort zone - Though I think I willl return in the future, how long will that take?  I know that the poverty and the health conditions in Tanzania require immediate attention, yet in my heart I know that I’m not ready to return yet.  I miss Africa a lot, but it was SO different from what I was used to…it really wasn’t pleasant at times.  If someone is to go after they have been one time, what will it take to bridge that gap between cultures and to make yourself 1, more comfortable in the environment, and thus 2, more effective in helping those in need?  Will it take TIME? Or is it just continued submersion in said culture?  Did I need to stay longer, even when I felt so uncomfortable and even dreaded the thought of working that last week?

3.  Will what we do ever work?  Supporting those in the community with their own solutions to their problems is the best method.  But I found it so frustrating that while I was there, I wasn’t a direct contributor to that help.  The language barrier and the, thought not everyone, racism towards foreigners was EXTREMELY distracting, and really made me feel useless in some situations.  What do I need to do to make my work actually WORK towards helping people?  Will education actual be sustabinable in such an alien culture?  Will microfinancing actually sustain those that are willing to work and pay the loans back?  God I hope so.

The people I met in Africa were suffering, but they took their lives into their own hands.  They met the challenges with grace and maturity, but still treated me with kindness, sincerity, and genuine thanks.  They weren’t asking for money from me, they weren’t needy - they were noble. They were more noble and more respectable than any people I had EVER met here in the states, or anywhere for that matter.  I am honored to have met and worked with them.  Though i experience a lot of racism, I attribute that only to the fact that they hadn’t seen too many east asians, and I am sure I would have acted the same if in that position.

Africa itself was beautiful, and in my opinion the most REAL place left in this world.  I don’t know when I’ll return to Tanzania or Africa, but I do know that it is in my future sometime.  My sister and I had a long discussion about what I was feeling - and i think after some thought I am a little depressed at returning. Partly from the fact that I was unable to do more to help, had to leave so soon, but also from the dire state of some of the people I visited and met with.  I know that I will never forget this experience - and I hope that I can continue to learn from it as I eventually wrap my head around this entire thing.

Thank you so much to Nick, Jessi, Stephanie, Chahe, Dina, Alice, Halima, Obedi, Danny - EVERYONE from the Arusha Project, as well as Emmanuel, Olais and the rest of the WAMATA crew, + Miss Matron, the nurses, and the doctors of Meru district hospital for helping me see so much and to take my quirkiness in stride.  I know it must have been hard to live with me for 3 weeks.

It all comes down to liminality - it might take awhile for me, but I’ll come to see everything in time and accept it for what it is.